JSG : Elevators

Sorry if I sound like The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (actually really not sorry), but if you think about it, an elevator is just a small room that goes up and down, on repeat. If this experience sounds mundane, I highly recommend experiencing one in Japan. 

You see, in India, I am used to a certain degree of privilege. 

Firstly, most doors are shutters. That means I have complete control over whether I want to open it, close it, or keep it open forever. The only thing the lift can do about it is tell me to :please close the door: in three different languages. And I can very well choose to ignore it. In Japan, the door will close in 0.5 seconds, which is apparently the time it takes for a full sized human to enter or exit. So you:re really making a run for it. Or you:re stuck between the doors and then God help you. 

Two - I can stand however I want. If the number of people exceed lift capacity, some kind soul will recommend running down the stairs. That is possible when the number of floors is less than five. And that, is pretty much never the case in Japan. I have to call it a field day to run, then walk, then slowly crawl down 37 floors and meet my party day after tomorrow, with glucose biscuits and energy drinks in tow. 

And so, the lovely people here have found an efficient solution to maximally utilize lift-space so that nobody gets left behind. People enter an elevator the same way water fills a container. With every nook and crevice first, and then filling it in. It:s almost as if they shrink, turn and twist to make that extra space for one person, who then steps in and the elevator doors shut, barely grazing their nose. 

Three - My duty in the elevator in India is to chat with its occupants if I know them, and enjoy awkward-polite conversation if I don:t. But in Japan, my duties vary depending on where I am located inside said lift. If I am by the doors, I am in charge of keeping the doors open while people are entering and closing them when they are done, until it is time for me to exit. If I am in front, I have to exit on every floor to give room for people behind me, if they need to leave. If I am on the back, the problem arises when I have to exit. I chant :excuse me: and :thank you: (which luckily happens to be the same phrase) to everyone in front of me who have, as I mentioned above, exited to give me room to leave. 

Pro hack - Stay bang in the middle. This way, you are relieved of button duties thereby avoiding mishaps. If someone behind you needs to leave, you can turn 90 degrees, with enough space for them to squeeze past you. If you have to leave, it will save you at least a couple of excuse mes.   

  

So now the only real problem is if you have to sneeze (because the elevators are almost always pin drop silence, with infrasonic elevator music). And that would require more excuse mes. Or if you have to scratch your nose and your arms are jammed because you:ve helped make space for someone else. Then God help you.

PS -

JSG stands for Japan survival guide, but it isn:t so much a guide or about survival. I:m just keeping a log of my misadventures so someone may benefit from it (even if it is with a laugh). I think the next post should be about Japanese keyboards in English because I cannot for the life of me find the apostrophe.