5 uses for thumbs.
Sometimes you have to lose something to realize what you had. And sometimes it takes cutting it while you're trying to cook. Before last weekend, I used to think "Thumbs..meh" and now all I can think about is season 3 of House of Cards. And a little bit about my thumbs. So I decided to make a list because that is the answer to everything.
A few things require a functional thumb or two. Here are five:
1. Squeezing the last of toothpaste:
They say putting toothpaste back into the tube is impossible. It's not, I tried and succeeded. Squeezing out the last bit of toothpaste with your index and middle finger? I hope you never have to see that day. Unless you want to try it out as an experiment, because it could be fun.
2. Buttons:
It's truly humbling to realize how many buttons there are in the world. Especially when you're inept and single-thumbed. I'm switching to velcro because I'm a rebel.
3. Using the space bar:
Sure, you can use other fingers when you're typing on the keyboard. But when you don't use your thumbs to hit that glorious space bar, a nerd god somewhere loses his sarcasm. Don't do it.
4. Using the phone:
Have you seen old people use a touch phone? With their index finger poking into the screen, it's like they're trying to wake a lizard from the dead. Almost as if they really want it to live, but they're also really afraid and somehow fascinated when it glows. I think I'm missing the point.
5. During a thumb-war:
This may seem obvious but it's not. It's a definite advantage if you have a broken thumb. Not just because the band-aid will make your thumb look intimidating, but also because sympathy. Take my word for it, I'm a renewed thumb warrior.
For the longest time, I used to think I was special because I have different sized thumbs. One is significantly larger than the other. I bet you are looking at your thumbs now and wondering if they're of the same size. Well, I wish your thumbs a happy new year. Take care of them.
I have to buy toothpaste, bye.
A few things require a functional thumb or two. Here are five:
1. Squeezing the last of toothpaste:
They say putting toothpaste back into the tube is impossible. It's not, I tried and succeeded. Squeezing out the last bit of toothpaste with your index and middle finger? I hope you never have to see that day. Unless you want to try it out as an experiment, because it could be fun.
2. Buttons:
It's truly humbling to realize how many buttons there are in the world. Especially when you're inept and single-thumbed. I'm switching to velcro because I'm a rebel.
3. Using the space bar:
Sure, you can use other fingers when you're typing on the keyboard. But when you don't use your thumbs to hit that glorious space bar, a nerd god somewhere loses his sarcasm. Don't do it.
4. Using the phone:
Have you seen old people use a touch phone? With their index finger poking into the screen, it's like they're trying to wake a lizard from the dead. Almost as if they really want it to live, but they're also really afraid and somehow fascinated when it glows. I think I'm missing the point.
5. During a thumb-war:
This may seem obvious but it's not. It's a definite advantage if you have a broken thumb. Not just because the band-aid will make your thumb look intimidating, but also because sympathy. Take my word for it, I'm a renewed thumb warrior.
For the longest time, I used to think I was special because I have different sized thumbs. One is significantly larger than the other. I bet you are looking at your thumbs now and wondering if they're of the same size. Well, I wish your thumbs a happy new year. Take care of them.
I have to buy toothpaste, bye.
Comments
Post a Comment